Lockdown
by Nette
Summary: Abby overhears a converstation between Susan and Sam which leads to a looong needed talk between Carter and Abby .. ; )


**Rating**: PG  
**Spoilers**: No spoilers if you have seen the episodes up to 10.22 - "Drive".  
**Summary**: Abby overhears a converstation between Susan and Sam which leads to a looong needed talk between Carter and Abby .. ; )  
**Disclaimer**: I don't own anything .. ; )  
**Feedback**: Sure, I'd love to know what you think! nettemailsyahoo.de or use the review button. ; )  
**Author's notes**: I didn't have time for the challenge on the "One Can Only Hope" board this time. But I liked the idea of the challenge .. a good possible way how they could get closer to each other again .. ; ) So I wrote a little stand alone based on that .. ; ) This takes place at a Christmas party at Susan's .. about seven months from now ..  
  
What I took from the May challenge: Carter and/or Abby overhear a conversation between two other characters which leads to some Carby interaction.  
Thank you Jo for beta reading! ::hugs::  
  
**"Lockdown"**  
  
"She suits you," I say to Luka with a smile as I walk up to him, seeing him with the baby.   
He returns my smile. "Yeah, but who wouldn't she? She's adorable," he answers me with a wink. "Just like her mother."   
  
I nod and am just about to go on when her father joins us. "What about me?" he protests playfully. "Am I not adorable? I must be. Half of her is me," he says proudly.   
Luka just keeps smiling and shrugs his shoulders. "Ask Abby, _she's_ the woman, not me. She should know."   
"Hey, that's not fair," I join the banter. "I can't say that about my best friend's husband. She'd shoot me."   
  
That makes us all laugh.   
"_She_ is adorable, though. That much I can say," I finally add, stroking the baby's cheek.   
"Susan or Erin?" Chuck asks me, raising his eyebrows.   
I just give him a look. "_Both_," I tease him.   
"Okay," he says with a smile, hands up in surrender. "You win," he adds with a chuckle before he leaves for the kitchen to help Chen with the turkey, leaving me alone with Luka and Erin still in his arms.   
  
"Almost makes you want to have one of your own, huh?" I whisper to myself, playing with Erin's tiny hands. But it was apparently loud enough for Luka to hear.   
"No, not really. At the moment we have enough to do with Alex," he tells me, but he's smiling, cocking his head to one side. "He's an amazing kid. But I don't think a baby in the house is what he needs right now. And I don't think Sam would be thrilled."   
  
I nod, but I don't really know what to say. "Speaking of Sam .. where is she anyway? I'd like to say bye to her."   
"You want to go already?" he asks me susprised and checks his watch. "It's only ten pm. The fun has only just begun," he winks at me.   
This time _I_ shrug my shoulders. "I have an early shift tomorrow. And you know how Weaver is. Especially with Interns .. they are on top of her list."   
He chuckles. "Yeah, that's true."   
  
We look at each other for another moment and it begins to become awkward.   
"Okay, I'll go then," I bring out finally. "And I will tell Susan to keep an eye on you. So you don't take Erin with you at the end," I joke to lighten up the atmospehre.   
He smiles. "Haha, have a good night, Abby."   
"You, too," I say back to him, giving the baby one last kiss on the forehead before I turn around to say goodbye to the other guests.   
  
On my way to the bedroom to get my jacket I notice that I didn't either see Susan, Sam or Carter on my round of goodbyes.   
But when I enter the room I get an answer to at least one of my questions.   
  
"Hey Mommy," I tease Susan with a smirk.   
She turns around and just smiles. She's beaming. She loves being a mother.   
"Hey," she says back as she turns around. "What brings you here?"   
"Just getting my jacket. I'm gonna go home."   
  
"Oh." She has a disappointed look on her face. "Already?"   
"Yeah, early shift tomorrow, sorry. And Weaver is on .."   
"Ouch," she says and frowns. "Then you should really go," she adds with a wink. "Too bad that she didn't want to come here tonight. You'd have better cards."   
  
I nod. "But it's understandable. It's her first Christmas without Sandy."   
And suddenly I'm reminded of my own situation. It's not really the same since Carter is still there and this is already the second Christmas more or less without him. But I still have a vague idea of how Kerry must feel alone on a day like this.   
  
"Yeah, must be hard for her. But maybe this would have been a distraction."   
I shrug my shoulders. "Everyone handles it differently."   
"Yeah."   
  
"Anyway, I should really go. Thank you for the invitation, Susan," I tell her as I walk over to her and pull her into a hug.   
"My pleasure," she answers, raising her eyebrows. "Thank you for coming."   
  
"Oh, do you know where Sam is?" I ask Susan as we part.   
"Not within the last few minutes. I think I saw her with her cell phone. Maybe it's something with Alex."   
  
I'm just about to ask Susan to say Sam sorry and goodbye from me when she walks through the door and joins us.   
"Who did you see with a cell phone?"   
"You," Susan and I say in unison before we break out laughing.   
  
"Riiight ..," Sam comments with a frown. "It was Alex. He's staying with a friend and forgot his toothbrush .. we found a solution," Sam tells us, looking at us expectantly, probably still waiting for an explanation for our outbreak.   
"I just wanted to say goodbye to you," I finally tell her. "I'm leaving."   
"Oh .. okay. Too bad that you can't stay longer. Have a good night then," she says to me as she walks over to me to give me a hug.   
"You, too," I tell them both as I walk out of the room with a last wave.   
  
I feel a little bad that I didn't say goodbye to Carter. We sat together the whole evening and chatted about this and that. It really does me good to have him back as my friend again. And I would say him, too. Especially now that Kem is gone.   
But I really have to go now and I have no idea where he could be.   
  
Just as I reach the door to leave I remember that I forgot my scarf.   
"Damn it," I mutter under my breath and roll my eyes before I turn around to go back into the bedroom to see where my scarf is.   
I'm just about to walk into the room when I hear Sam say my name.   
  
" .. when Abby held the baby," she says as I walk closer towards the door to be able to not only _hear_ but _see_ them as well.   
"Yeah, she's great with kids," Susan agrees with a smile. "She would be a great mother."   
"She doesn't want children?" Sam asks and I hold my breath. I hope she won't tell Susan about the abortion. I know it's not right to keep that from my best friend. But I'm worried about what Susan could think about me now that she has a baby.   
  
Susan shrugs her shoulders. "I don't know. We never talked about this. But judging from how natural she is with babies I guess she'd like to be a mother."   
Sam nods. "She'd be great."   
"Yeah," Susan agrees. "But unless the events from 2000 years ago will repeat I doubt that Abby will have a baby any time soon," she chuckles. And despite it's sad and true I can't help but giggle silently as well.   
Sam laughs, too.   
  
"So she's not seeing anyone right now?" Sam goes on.   
Susan shakes her head. "She went out a few times but as far as I know there was nothing serious with anyone."   
"What about Carter?"   
Susan rolls her eyes. "Abby and Carter – a story full of misunderstandings."   
Sam looks at her with a confused expression on her face. "Why? Isn't he single again?"   
"Yeah, since Kem left shortly after they lost their baby."   
  
Sam still doesn't seem to understand. "Why don't they get back together then? I've heard a bit about their story and it's obvious that they still love each other. Anyone can see it from the looks they share."   
Susan nods. "_I_ can see it, _you_ can see it. But _they_ can't see it. Ever since Kem left they did at least get closer as friends again. Even before, actually. They need each other as friends. He seems to be the only one who really gets her and she seems to be the only one who really gets him."   
  
"That sounds like out of a soap opera," Sam chuckles. "If it wasn't so tragic it could be funny. Why don't they just try to get back together again? Is it him or her who doesn't dare to make the first step?"   
Susan shrugs her shoulders and sighs. "Both I guess. I think Abby is scared. Her life is finally back on track. Her mother and brother are doing well. She's a doctor now. And she's back to being friends with Carter again. I think she doesn't want to risk losing this. And to get hurt again. I know he broke her heart – several times. First he leaves, then he leaves again, the letter .. and then he comes back with a pregnant girlfriend .."   
  
"How did that happen anyway?" Sam asks interrupts Susan confused.   
"That's a very good question," Susan sighs. "I think he doesn't even know himself. I know he loves Abby. But he was not himself back then. He was confused and hurt. His grandmother just died and he probably felt like running is the best option to deal with the pain .. or to avoid it. And then he met Kem and it was nothing serious at all. But then she got pregnant .."   
  
"And how did _that_ happen?" Sam interrupts her again. "_He_ should know how to use a condom .. and she should, too. Or was it planned?"   
"It wasn't planned. I really don't know how that happened. But fact is that she got pregnant. And you know how Carter is. So .. that's how the story goes."   
  
"Wow," Sam exclaims. "I didn't know all these details."   
"Abby doesn't like to talk about it. She's still in denial about all that."   
Sam nods. "And why doesn't Carter want to make the first step?" she asks and I couldn't agree more. A lot of insight I get from my friend Susan here.   
  
"He's scared, too. He's glad that she more or less forgave him and lets him be her friend again. He doesn't want to lose her again. And he doesn't want her to feel like the rebound girl .. Though if Abby knew how Kem left she wouldn't think that."   
"Why? How did she leave?"   
"Because of Abby."   
"Really?"   
  
Susan nods. "If you ask me, the only thing that kept Carter and Kem together was the baby. And once that wasn't there anymore it began to fall apart anyway. And as you said, we can all see what's going on between Carter and Abby. And so could Kem. She didn't like that he spent a lot of his time with Abby. And she finally realized that she doesn't know him at all. So she left for Africa again."   
  
"And Abby doesn't know all this?"   
"I don't think so. Carter didn't tell her because he fears she wouldn't believe him. And he doesn't want her to feel responsible for their break up. That's what I think anyway. He only told me the main facts briefly."   
"And you didn't tell her either?"   
Susan shakes her head. "I think it's better for them if they realize it themselves. I know they both love each other and I know that they'll figure it out sooner or later."   
  
"I really hope so .." Sam goes on as I feel a hand on my shoulder.   
I jump, my heart pounding in my chest. Not only from the shock but also from the news I've just overheard.   
  
I turn around and see Carter standing behind me, a grin on his face. "Eavesdropping?"   
I put my hand on his arms to silence him and a finger on my lips to emphasize it. "Shhh." I turn back around and panic when I hear Susan's and Sam's voices come nearer as they are about to come out of the bedroom.   
  
I don't have much time to explain and just shove Carter into the room next door – the bathroom – and lock the door, no time to switch on the light.   
"Hey, that's where I was just coming from," he protests with a laugh. "And why are we in here without any light?"   
  
"Shhh," I try to silence him again. "We're not here to pee," I add and put my ear against the door, hoping to be able to hear something. "They are still out there, talking in front of the door," I whisper.   
"Who?" he whispers back, confused.   
"Susan and Sam."   
"So?"   
"I don't want them to see me .. _us_ .."   
"Why not?"   
"Because I overheard a conversation between them."   
"So?"   
I roll my eyes. "They were talking about _us_."  
  
He's silent now. I guess he knows what they could have been talking about. And Sam and Susan are still talking in front of the door. But I can't understand a word.   
  
Our eyes are adjusting to the darkness quickly. With the help of the bit of moonlight coming through the window of the bathroom I can see him sit down on the edge of Susan's bathtub. "What did they say?" he asks carefully.   
I step away from the door and sit down next to him. I'm not sure if I should tell him. But I think it's only fair and maybe we should really talk.   
  
"They talked about the last year and a half. About the way you left. About the way you left again. And about the way you came back .. with Kem. And why she left .."   
  
My voice cracks a little at the end of the sentence. It's still not easy for me to talk about it. And the things I feel right now don't make it easier. He never told me why he left, why he came back, why he left again and how everything with Kem happened.   
  
He sighs deeply. "So now you know. I'm sorry that I never told you. That I never explained anything of what I did .."   
"I wasn't exactly talkative either," I admit and shrug my shoulders. "I thought you made up your mind and didn't love me anymore. I begged you to stay and you left. I thought it was over for good and that there was no reason to fight."   
  
"I'm so sorry, Abby," he tells me, leaning forward and covering his face with his hands. "I know it's hard to believe but I never meant to hurt you. It was just that .. everything was a mess in my life .. and I felt like nothing was left here after my grandmother died. I thought a break would help me to see things clearer. And Africa was the next best chance. And it was so easy there. The only concern you have there every day is to save lifes. And I'm good at that. And then I came home after two weeks and nothing was better. All the problems were still there .."   
  
"I'm sorry," I interrupt him. "I shouldn't have welcomed you back the way I did .. but the way you left hurt so much that I wasn't thinking clearly. I wanted you to feel my pain. I thought we'd have time to figure it out. Not that you'd leave again right away .."   
"I know," he goes on. "And that wasn't planned. But I had to go back for Luka. And once I was back in Africa everything was so easy again and that was what I needed. I never planned to be gone for months. But so far away from home .. it helped to deal with the pain .. to escape the pain. I never forgot about you, Abby," he says and turns his head towards me. "But the longer I was gone the less I knew how I could ever come back .."   
I nod. As weird as it seems .. I can understand that.   
  
"And .. and then I met Kem," he goes on and swallows hard. And so do I. "She was independent and simple. It was so easy to be with her. Because there were no deep feelings. With her .. it was just to be with someone. I knew that she didn't know me. And that made me feel safe. I knew she wouldn't try to talk about my past with me, about my feelings. Because she didn't know any of it .."   
I nod again. I'm surprised about how well I understand him. I guess the relationship I had with Luka was for the same reason.   
  
"And then .. then she told me she was pregnant. I don't know how it happened. But it happened. And I thought that maybe we could make it work. For the baby. And I couldn't avoid my responsibility for the foundation any longer. So I came back with her."   
  
He pauses for a moment and I put my hand on his knee to encourage him to go on. That lets a weak smile appear on his face. I know that now comes the hardest part.   
  
"And .. I was happy about the baby after a while. And I wanted the best for my son. Not for him to grow up like me. I wanted a home for him. So I did a lot of crazy things. I gave the mansion away, bought a new house. I felt the whole time that Kem didn't really want to live here. But I wanted her to. So I tried to do everything to keep her from leaving me to go back to Africa." He pauses again and sighs while I give his knee a gentle squeeze. "And it worked. For a while at least. Until .. until we lost the baby."   
  
I can see tears glistening in his eyes. But he goes on as I feel tears well up in my own eyes as well. "That must have been the hardest time of my life. To lose our baby .. especially the way we did .."   
I nod knowingly, moving a little closer towards him, waiting for him to go on.   
  
"And that was more or less the end for us. That's when we both really saw that we don't know each other at all. We couldn't give each other any comfort. I didn't understand her and she didn't understand me. And at the same time I got closer to you again. With you I felt understood. We got our friendship back more and more. And it felt so good. I realized how much I really missed you and how much I was living in a surreal world. And Kem noticed, too. And finally she told me that it doesn't make sense with us. She told me that we're better separated. She wanted to go back to Africa. And told me I should stay here with the woman I really love," he goes on and gives me a shy smile as I wipe away the tear that is running down his cheek carefully with the back of my hand. "I didn't try to stop her. I knew she was right. And this doesn't excuse all I did. I know that what I did was wrong and not easy to forgive. But maybe you can understand me better now."   
  
"Why did you never tell me all that?" I ask him carefully. "Why did our dear friend Susan have to open our eyes again?" I chuckle slightly.   
He shrugs his shoulders. "I don't know. I felt like I screwed everything up. Like there was no hope to make you ever forgive me. And I was happy about our friendship. I missed it. And I didn't want to lose it again."   
  
I sigh deeply and take my hand off his knee when I get up, leaning against the basin across from him, looking into his eyes as he looks up at me. "You won't lose it. I missed it, too .. I missed _you_. But do you think we still have a chance? Do you want another chance?"   
  
"It's never too late," he tells me with a smile. "And I still feel the same for you."   
"Me, too," I admit, looking down at my shoes.   
  
He stands up and walks over to me, standing close in front of me now.   
"Do you remember our last _lockdown_?" he asks me with a smile as I look into his eyes.   
I nod, smiling, too. "It was the first time we kissed."   
"Seems like locking us into a room where we can't escape is the only way to make us face our true feelings."   
"Seems like that."   
  
I feel my heart beat faster again. These are not the events from 2000 years ago, but from two and a half years ago. And I don't mind at all that history repeats itself as I feel him lean down slowly, his arms wrapping around me and mine around him.   
Not even the sudden knock at the door stops him. We are in our own world until our lips touch gently in a short but sweet kiss before he pulls me into a hug.  
  
We both know that not everything is solved with this. But we're on the right way again. And that's more than I ever thought we could have again.   
  
The End.   



End file.
